i can play it on the piano

eye can see now.

i had a freak accident on saturday involving the dishwasher, a chopstick and my eye. fortunately, the doctor says i'm ok. the funny thing (ok... in retrospect, there are a variety of funny things about this accident, but i won't go into them all) is that i've been spending these past couple of months doing heavy construction with power tools and sharp, pointy things with absolutely no injuries, aside from random bruises that have been appearing in peculiar places. but there i was, doing the dishes, when the chopstick attacked me.

there's this great scene in fearless hyena when jackie chan has this awesome chopstick battle, rivaling anything mr. miyagi does in that silly karate movie. the dishwasher chopstick attack on me, was, unfortunately, less exciting than either of those. it was more like bunuel meets david carradine. you don't really expect it to pull those moves, but there it is, flinging itself at you with horrible speed, determined to take an eye out.

i knew the dishwasher was working against me when the upper level jammed itself tight with the lower level. goddamned plates. i tried everything to release the bottom from the top's death grip, but there didn't seem to be anything i could do. eventually, i squatted down and peered into the dishwasher, to see if i could find the offending pot or plate that was working against me. giving one final yank on the bottom tier, the tray finally released itself, unleashing its anger with a flying chopstick twirling its way straight for my left eye. it jabbed me about a centimeter away from my pupil and sent me reeling back, staggering around the kitchen swearing at the walls with ears.

goddamned motherfucking good for nothing dirty-assed chopstick. i thought you were my friend!

i continued stumbling around the kitchen for a bit, swearing like a sailor's swear instructor until the pain subsided a little bit. tears were pouring out of my eye, but luckily there didn't seem to be any bleeding. when i finally had the sense enough to look in the mirror, my eye was a bright shade of blood red. vampire red. it made me think of this stephen king short story when all the appliances start a rebellion, leaving everyone cowering in their bathrooms, wondering how they were going to get past that pissed off coffeemaker.

i think i'm only going to eat ethiopian food from now on.

<10.08.01>

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