they're killing the theaters
my friends think i'm crazy because for the past year, i've been boycotting the two major multiplexes that have recently sprouted up in san francisco. i know i should be impressed by the super-comfortable stadium seats with the cupholders that fold out in front of me and the thx-dolby-tastic-ultra-stereo-surround-sound, but i just can't bring myself to do it.
sadly, i think that i'm the only one who feels that there's something horrific about the cattle-like nature of this new movie going experience. even before i buy my ticket, i'm herded from one line to another in the most inhumane way, regardless of whether i'm in my car or on my feet. any previous happy experiences i've ever had with going to my local single-screen movie theater has been annihilated by the bright-lights big-city extravaganza of the amc 1000 or the sony metreon with their ten or twenty screens, all playing the same five movies all the time, like serving fries at mcdonalds.
even after i've shelled out my hard earned $8.50 for the privilege of being entertained, i'm ushered into another cattle-drive up one escalator after the other, in the search for the right floor which will take me to the right theater. the experience is not unlike the horrible feeling of trying to catch a commuter flight on southwest airlines, but instead of having to sit through the droning speech of airline safety and how to properly panic in the event of certain death, i'm greeted by what feels like hours of horrible commercials which are projected onto a screen the size of godzilla. doesn't it bother anyone else that we're paying almost ten dollars to watch advertising?? it's become this horrible catch-22 because we want to arrive early to the theater to get a good seat, but if we get my good seat, we have to sit there and suffer through the loud, giant commercials. god forbid i watch another coca-cola comedy classic break. what marketing genius decided that these pathetic attempts at humor could actually pass as entertainment?
i have to admit that once the commercials have ended and the theater has darkened, the moviegoing experience is rather pleasant. i can sit back in the super-plush chair, listen to the floorboards creak beneath each actor's foot and watch the biggest, brightest special effects known to an sgi. unfortunately, at the same time that this is all happening, i can feel my soul being sucked away. i feel dirty supporting the fast food of film. when the lights come back up after the movie, i find myself struggling with thousands of other people leaving their particular seats from their respective movies and stumbling down to the parking structure so that they can fall into more lines to validate parking. once they've completed their transaction with the parking machine, they all get into their cars and fall into one more line to get their car out from under the huge concrete building. any relaxation i was able to find by watching the movie has been killed by all the stress involved in trying to escape this cinematic fortress of evil.
i know i'm being a pain in the ass when i go to see a movie with friends. "well, we can't go to the sony metreon because lorelei is boycotting them," they'd say with sarcasm in their voice. i know that they agree to go to the local forty-year old single screen theaters just to humor me, but i can't help it. one of the oldest theaters in san francisco has just announced that they're going to be closing their doors and it crushes me. classic theaters like the coronet just can't compete with these malls that try to pass themselves off as venues of entertainment. the coronet is the theater that introduced all of san francisco to their very first screening of star wars and the godfather. when kids remember seeing these movies for the very first time they also remember the theater, their experience is of going to something that is special. nowadays we're all funneled past small screens and concession stands like a document-filled tube screaming through the pneumatic system of the box office. ping! here's your destination!
so anyway, enough of my griping. thank you, coronet theater, it'll be sad to see you go. <7.22.00>
all words (c) filmfatale industries 2000