max fischer

i woke up in deadwood.

as i was checking out of the hostel, the friendly manager informed me of the 50 cent breakfasts at the silverado restaurant and casino down the street.

"two eggs, toast and a side of home fries for 50 cents!" he told me, "there's no better way to start a day of travelling than that." how could i possibly argue with his nomad advice? he was totally right. when i got to the restaurant, i discovered that the refillable coffee/orange juice cost an additional whopping 99 cents, but i figured i could live with that.

after my pauper/queen's breakfast, i aimed the car at mt. rushmore, which was about a 20 minute drive through the black hills of south dakota. the snow was still drifting down and colliding with the windshield as i was driving. i had never driven in snow before and as the little dots of white accellerated their way towards my car, it made me feel like i was speeding in hyperspace.

sadly, the sky was too overcast to get a really good view of mt. rushmore, but when a window of clarity would open itself up, i could see that it wasn't as gigantic as i always thought it was. i mean, when you think of something being carved into the side of a mountain, you think of an absolutely enormous scale. something that aliens can see from space so they can figure out who our gods were. it was at that moment when i remember jimmy stewart hanging from washington's nose in north by northwest. washington didn't seem that giant in that scene. the scale seemed to make much more sense now.

the fog wasn't really cooperating with my sightseeing of the dead presidents, so i drove back down the mountain and found myself at the national presidents wax museum. this seemed too weird to be missed. i parked my car and wandered inside only to find that admission was a whopping $9.

"wow, $9??" i asked, incredulously as i began to slowly back out towards the exit. i wasn't going to blow all the money i saved during breakfast to see wax presidents, no matter how funny that might be.

"i meant $4!" said the woman behind the register as she watched me slipping away. visitors at half price were obviously better than no visitors at all. i stopped for a moment and pulled out my wallet. the woman seemed relieved.

the presidents wax museum is a bizarre place to find yourself. started by kathyrn stuberg-keller, a wax artist who had a made a career for herself by making body doubles of actors for hollywood films, it houses every single president to date in all their waxy glory. george bush, al gore, and a voting booth from palm beach florida stand at the entrance to the exhibit. after watching a video about how wax figures are made, and seeing a display of ms. stuberg-kellar's hollywood works (including bela lugosi's face as well as random body parts of the unknown and famous), the hall of presidents begins!

the presidents are posed in a variety of styles in different scenes. some are just busts, while others are in full on scenarios. dioramas gone wild. lyndon johnson is shown standing next to a dazed jackie kennedy as he's taking the oath of office. rutherford hayes stands next to a telephone as thomas edison and alexander graham bell gives him a demonstration. crazy horse and sitting bull sit outside a campfire as custer stands in another scenario a few away.

it was definitely weird and educational, both good reasons to stop for a road trip, but i don't think i would have been quite as satisfied if i had paid the full nine dollars. having spent an enjoyable few hours at the wax museum, i settled back into my car and made my trek across south dakota.

the funny bit about south dakota is that the state seems to recognize that there's nothing for miles and miles - so they have two of the funniest and biggest roadside attractions that a bored family in transit could ever want:

mitchell, south dakota's civic center building is also known as the world famous corn palace. every year, the entire building is covered in corn (yes, corn) which are decorated with images to represent that particular year; it's like macaroni art, but on this fucking unbelievably huge scale.

when you step inside the corn palace, there is a photography display of every year that the corn palace has been decorated. it starts with 1892, has a brief break during the depression from 1929 to 1937, and then continues along until 2004. this year the corn palace had a lewis & clark motif. my favorite year was 1969, when the entire building was decorated in corn with images of the apollo mission. maize astronauts, who would have guessed?

the corn palace was also a momentous moment for me because at a small coffeeshop right down the block from it, i was able to find my first midwestern chai! not being a huge coffee drinker myself, the sweet nectar of chai was an exciting discovery. the gross, yet somewhat predictable modification to my favorite caffeinated beverage was that they don't use milk for their chais... they use half and half. although i was thankful... nay, grateful for the availablity of chai on this leg of my trip, i wasn't entirely stoked on the steady phleghm gathering in my throat.

the other roadside stop was wall drug, at the entrance to the badlands. wall drug was started by a pharmacist back in the 1800's, when he posted burma-shave type ads all along the highway. for miles, travellers would read the signs about cold ice water and a backyard to relax in, and they arrived in droves. now wall drug is probably the largest independently owned pharmacy in this here united states. travellers drive for miles to drink the ice cold water, see the giant dinosaur and purchase their sundries.

there's something endearing about wall drug. the thing is, i can't quite tell why.

<05.12.04>

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